It doesnt wait...never will...
18 years? its been 18 years already? But how? how did this happen? 
Surely, i would have know ........
So i cant hide in the attic anymore? i cant ask my daddy to carry me? I...i cant even wear my favourite pink frock which i wore during my tenth birthday???
Goodness gracious!!!
I have been decieved.
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Josh: Hey
Me: Hi
Josh: Howz it goin?
Me: Its all good.
Josh: Hey um, are you chinese?
Me:Nope
Josh: NO? Chinese American?
Me: Nope, not that either
Josh: What are you then?
Me: Bhutanese.
Josh: bhu...what???
Me: I am from Bhutan, which is actually a very small kingdom in south east Asia so i guess that makes me a Bhutanese
Josh: Oh....I thought all Asians were Chinese
Me: O_o???
... seventh grade.. seems so far away...was i ever 12 years old?
.she was older than me by a year. i remember her curly hair the most...she would put a clip on to hold it down. It wasnt long; never grew below her neck ...she bit her finger nails...i remember often telling her not to do it....but she never listened...was she too bold or plain stupid? she did something wrong and when the teacher asked her the reason, she said her friend asked her to do it. The teacher then asked her to jump from the school building and so she turned around and began walking towards the balcony...Lol. it frightened the wits out of the teacher, me included. Although i was alarmed at that moment, i knew deep down she wouldnt do it. i wonder how she looks like now. She dropped out of school after junior high.
She had a deep voice but she could make it shrill if she wanted. She wasnt good in studies and i dont blame her for that because of her background...but maybe if she put in some effort she could have done well...i dont know...
why do i still remember her? is it because i was fond of her younger sister and brother....wait, what was the name of the younger sister? rashme? Lets just assume it was Rashme.she would call me names, the lil brat. Tsuna? Yeah, tsuna it was. My mom would go to her mother's lil "pan dokan" to have doma. Now that i think of it, i went to her store but never saw her...
........its sad, i cant remember her face.
Anger suppression. Nobody likes getting mad and i am no exception. I tried and it works, but not for like real intense moments. Lighter ones; actually those are more parlous. Say you are mad, like real mad. Sit down immediately. Anywhere, one the couch, dinning table, toilet pot, where ever. Search your soul. Search for the feeling. Search for the tight pain you feel on ur chest. Search the uneasiness. *woosh* It just vanishes. It really does. You have to concentrate though. Question yourself. "WHat exactly do I feel?" "what is anger?" How do you feel and how do you describe this feeling. search for the source. U'll most likely be feeling suffocated and there'll be lots of thoughts runnin in ur mind. Just shut down urself for a minute. And then just close yourself and imagine a serene moment. I normally try to picture myself swimming in a deep pond with the tangly weeds and light illuminating from the sun above. Ah...how refreshing. It works. |
So whats my story? how did i come to find out about this eblogging thingy? well, its quite a long story...You see, i came across this amazing person in druknet, called cineylens, more than a year ago and we chated for hours on end mostly about books and music....The world was still a lovely place to live in at that time and we kept in touch through kuzoo.net. i would also see him occasionally in kuzuzangpo.com makin a comment or two about the write up there...i dun knw what happened afterwards cuz we lost touch.... after several months, i a got a message frm him asking me if i were still reading....i was, well, surprised and scanned his profile and that it led me to his blog page; Memories,Dreams and Reflection...i knew then and there that i HAD to have a blog page...i dun knw why i din do this before...maybe i was too lazy...actually i still am...
So yeah, thanks Cineylens...i owe you one...thank you for introducing me to this world of blogs, for enka, for the japanese writers and for all that i'll learn frm norrbu, seige,and kc .
Christmas in August.
Its a Korean movie.
Hm....Suppose i find out i'll die today...what then?
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.....I am not a coffee person. Other than stealing a sip or two frm by brotha's favourite Dunkin DOughnut mug while he goes to the restroom, i try to refrain caffeine. But circumstances were such that i HAd to have some coffee yesterday. I had a paper due today and was already feelin drowsy by 12 o'clock. So without asking my brotha who claims to be an expert in makin just the right coffee for anybody, i fixed myself a cup and proceeded with the paper. Result= broke my record and stayed up till 5:37 in the mornin. I tried going back to sleep but the alarm that i had set for 6 o'clock the previous day woke me up after a 10-15 minute nap. |
Talk about a fun filled weekend.. I was up by 9 yesterday and started reading the book "Something Borrowed" by Emily Griffin. It aint the best i read so far but it was totally different from the line of books i been reading so i guess that kept me frm turing the pages..Okay lemme skip a few hours...There i was in the library lookin for hindi movies cuz my aunt had a break frm work and it had been a while since she watched any of those dramatic bollywood movies...we ended up checking out eight items....six movies and two books..the books were for my aunt...by the time we were home, my otha aunt had already prepared lunch so all we had to do was settle down on the couch and start the movie session...We first watched Bardaasht, starring Bobby deol, lara dutta and some new commers...it was an okay movie..i think the only reason i kept watching it was cuz i was sooooo mad at the villians fo taking the life of an inocent person....a typical hindi movie... Next up was "The terminal" with Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta Jones...anotha okay movie...nothing special...Ol' tommy was too good to be true...well, we needed a break so me and the younger aunt cooked dinner...nothing special;we cooked the same asian dish all over again...u knw, rice and curry....As my aunts poured themselves a glass of wine, i took anotha glass and poured coke(i hate bein left out.lol) so it seemed like we were havin the same drink...With the lights off, we began watching a Japanese horror movie and much to our disappointment, it had no english subtitles..i knew things were too perfect...But that surely did not dampen out spirit and we proceeded watching it.., i mean we din need no subtitles, the eerie cum gloomy scene was enough to have us covering half our face..the older aunt had no advantage over age, she was more scared then i was..lolz, i still remember her trying to peek at the ghost..oh wait, the movie's called Ju-rei...we then had our dinner and i wanted to watch this korean movie which won like 4 or 5 awards but then again, no subtitles....so we went fo anotha japanese horror movie.....crap. it was horrible. it was all about spirals and how the inhabitants of a village get obsessed with those stupid spirals....it was 12 by the time we were done with it and when we put on the t.v, the show 'sa re ga ma pa' was on..its basically a singing contest and the contestant this time were kids...we couldn't last to see the result.... i woke up at 9 today and started reading the book "Something Borrowed" by Emily Griffin... |
I am pretty close to my aunts. They tell me their problems, share closets, let me know about good books and cook for me. I know the life they lead and they know mine. My aunts lead a stressfull life cuz of thier job. They been complaining from day one but its aight cuz i think i understand what they go through. THey coped up after a month or two but then last weekend, they just broke down. THe elder aunt came to me to explain a "situation" but then she just couldnt hold her emotion. She talked to me about having a hard time in life and then her tears rolled down her cheek which made it very painful for me to even look at her. I wanted to tell her that its okay, everything will be fine but i couldnt because i didnt really know if things would be fine and i definitely didnt want to lie to her. So there i sat, completely silent and felt like such a fool. I didnt even utter a word...i couldnt...She was summoned shortly after by her friends to have dinner and as if noting happened, she put on a smilely face and went to the dinner table. I heaved and tried to forget what she said. Life was painful. The next weekend, the younger aunt came over. We were alone at my place and she began to rant on about her work. Upon mentioning her mom, her eyes glistened with tears. The more she talked, the more unstable she became until she was literally crying. That was perhaps the first time i ever saw her cry. Sure, we were close, but she had never let me see the weeker side of her. I looked away as she grieved for the life she didnt have. ONce again, life was painful. I though the world was comming to end cuz i wasnt having a blast in school either. But surprisingly, they were both fine they next time they came over. Its not that i wanted to see them sad, ofcourse i was thrilled they had overcome their sorrow and it evevn set me thinking which revived the though of impermanence. ...................................................Sorrow is as impermanent as happiness. |
As a kid, i would challenge the sun..yes, the fool in me was somehow convinced i could beat the sun....If it was a sunny day, I would look up to the sky and stare at the sun...i was "challenging" it...i didnt need no sunglasses, I could stare at it and then call out to it, you cant beat me, you cant bring me down...it did alarm my dad and he made me promise not to repeat such folish act, i was to scum down to its rays..but i paid no heed to the words of my wise father, i kept on staring untill i found solace in other things....As i grew older, challenging the sun was a kids game, i just grew out of it...Little did i know, i would lose the battle...i might have laughed at if when i was younger but i can definitely sense its victory whenever i go out....it smirks...it made me blind...This is how i see things now(without my glasses) |
I woke up at 6 in the morning, took a quick shower and then started writing my paper which was due the same day. I was done with it by 9 o' clock and then ran to the bedroom to brush my hair. I was gone for like TWO seconds and then when i came back, lho and behold someone else was on the computer. I was pissed off cuz i was running late but then i didnt have the guts to shoo him off. I just went over, put on the printer, went back to the bedroom and started dressing up. ...to cut short the crap, i was late for class which meant no breakfast..now THATS when the trouble started..Ten minutes into the English class and my stomach began to complain..it was begging for some food..i wasnt bothered about it at first but then it started makeing those weird noise..i was so scared the person next to me would hear it. And as if things werent worse enough as it was, my teacher made us do some freewriting which ofcourse meant having pin drop silence in the class.i couldnt wait to get out of the class..i was begging god to make it stop...i even held my breath,tucked in my tummy and waited for the groan to pass away... Twenty minutes of torture and i was finally liberated... But now when i reflect back on the day, it makes me smile, laugh even...i wonder what God wanted to tell me at that moment.... |
Find 1 : If you are to allow a woman to have abortion because she is old enough to make her own decisions, then you might as well encourage another to commit sucide. Dont flinch if she wants to work as a prostitue and dont prevent euthanasia.
"Life is a series of problems :either you are in one now, you're just comming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one."  My find is a new toy of a toddler. I fiddle with it too much and inevitably, get sick of it a bit too soon. My 18 years on earth has taught me enough to keep away from a novel treasure and yet my patience fail me. I will fall, i am aware. But you understand, dont you? Its far more difficult to prevent the alluring find from creeping in my thoughts. Ga dye be wa, la kha du. (cant help it). |
| This is insane!!! How could i have not ever thought of bolgging??? I cant believe i didnt open up an account in here sooner.... Anyhoo, cheers for a new begining I am so excited, i can feel the hair on my hand stand up... I'll probably have to read this for the rest of my life, so i may as well make an attempt to write something worth while...Since it's "my"(yes, i am being selfish)page, i guess i'll start off with my day.... I hated myself when i woke up in the morning because i had two papers due for my english class and i hadnt even started one of them. It was 6.30am in the morning and despite the fact that there was absolutely nothing i could do to clean up the mess(late papers), i woke up. Ofcourse i had to. There was simply no way i could go back to sleep with the worry of my papers eating me. I sprung up from my bed and went straight to the restroom. After washing up, i offered fresh water to the pica of religious figures. I then prayed for the soul of my deceased grandma, i prayed to god to keep my parents safe and sound, and regretfully i prayed for all sentinent beings only because i knew i was supposed to. If i wasnt genuine, i might as well have been honest to myself... (i guess by now you know that i am still an ameture when it comes to writing) On a sad note, adios. |
