...12:30 am and i was still alert with Heramn Hesse's Siddhartha. Right after i turned to page ninety four, i felt a sudden sting in my eyes. I wasn't sleepy at all but i put the book aside and decided to give it a rest. Perhaps it was the traffic or the drunkards clamorously cursing at each other for sleep did not come. I strained my ears to imagine the life outside my apartment and heard a boy laugh with such high spirit that his voice took me back to the days when i laughed with my brother. Then the thought of death unexpectedly crossed over. My brother is very much alive but somehow i was convinced he had long left me. Tears forced its way out and flowed onto the pillow. I grieved, for i believed i would never see him again.
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The Home and the World by Rabindranath Tagore.



An addition to my all time favourites.

Its summary reads;
"When Bimala's husband, Nikhil- a wealthy yet enlightened and charitable Bengali landowner - encourages her to emerge from the tradition female seclusion of purdah, he introduces her to his old friend Sandip. Ruthless and charismatic, Sandip is a radical leader in the nationalist Swadeshi movement, and Bimala is soon caught up by his revolutionary fervour and experiences a profound political awakening.Torn between her duties as a wife and her passion for her cause, her attempts to resolve the conflict between home and the world lead to violence and, ultimately, tragedy. Vividly depicting the clash between old and new, realism and idealism, The Home and the World(1916) is a haunting allegory of India's political turmoil in the early twentieth century."


Nearing the end, i was left wishing i had more pages to turn. All in all, an evening well spent.

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If you see me sad, its beacuse i CHOSE to be sad...or is it?

There were times when my brother would know exactly how i faired in my exam with just a look on my face...I have learned to conceal my feelings now...I am not going to get depressed the whole winter over an exam..I'll live, wont i? its not like i'll be kicked out of the school either...Adios to the lil willow how would cry onto the pillow for nights on end for a petty(dare i say that?)matter as such..okay, maybe it was important but i cant be crying over spilt milk...

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Came back from class all crappy because i just had a math test and i knew i screwed up real bad. One of the two elevator wasn't working so i had to wait for the only one that did. After five nerve wrecking minutes, the door slid open. Was just about tah barge in but jerked back when i saw an old lady trying to make her way out with the help of her stroller. As soon as our eyes met, her face brightened up with a smile. And my Joe, what a smile it was. Warmer than a down jacket and sweeter than the rock candy.
Yes, i smiled too.
God bless her.

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I woke up thinking about you. Yes, you visited me in my dreams again. How long has it been since i last saw you? Two years and more. My chest tightened at the thought of you. i would have given anything to see your smile right then and there.I know you are going through a difficult time and lord punish me for not being there for you.
I sensed separation right from the beginning of tenth grade. I knew those stupid board exams would tear us apart. Actually, i was willing to take up arts for your sake. I knew i could somehow convince my parents and make them believe i was in love with literature, but I guess that wasn't meant to be. It pained me when you described how horrible it was in the new school. I wasn't having a blast either solely because you weren't there. I made new friends in the school but i should have known that there's no one like you. I can only thank you for the happiness you brought in my life. With you around, my life was filled with fun and laughter.All that seem surreal now. After i left the country, i felt i could face the world with no fear if only you were here with me. i truly did. I still do. I miss you even more.

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The subway was crowded which left me no option but to swap my metro card as fast as i could. So i did. Thrice actually. The woman behind me was getting impatient which only made me more nervous. On the fourth attempt, the machine read "Already used." Before i could even register what just happened, i was literally elbowed away from the machine. Fine i thought. I had three alternatives; a)wait for ten-twenty minutes till i can use the card again,b)buy a twenty dollar card,c)walk home. I settled for the third one because i wanted the night to myself and my ipod. I regretted the instant i steeped outside.It's December,the peak of winter, how pleasant a walk could i have expected? I buttoned up my coat but the wind was ruthless with my face. I had to walk at least twenty blocks to get home. Mankind hadn't spared the streets, they stalked me everywhere. After the first few blocks, my pace lessened as high school students walked in groups. After avoiding them by taking over a part of the road, i waited for the walk signal. The kids then caught up with me. Shoot. When i crossed the street, those high school students loomed over me. I became one of them, taking sluggish steps and having all the time to stare at the stores. At that point i wondered I would ever get out of that vicious cycle; missing the walk sign each time i reached the end of the street and getting caught up by those students.
Took me almost an hour to get home.

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Haste makes waste.I learned my lesson. I am never to pull a book put of the shelf without reading the summary. And oh, i will NOT judge a book by its cover.

I was pretty excited last Friday simply because it was a Friday. I had only one class for the whole day and then i was as free as any lark. But weekend=reading books. And mind you, books of my own choice for once. I headed to the library in hopes of spending hours getting lost in the world of literature. I just happened to spot a book by a Japanese writer and was about to have a closer look when i suddenly remembered this programme that was supposed to be on tv in about ten minutes. Sure, like any other programme, it does repeat at another time but i admit i didnt have patience.I figured the book had to be good or else why would they even have it?

It was only on Saturday morning that i actually sat down to read the book. It was titled "Diary of a Mad Old Man" by Junichiro Tanizaki. The cover had this beautiful lady who seemed fairer because of the lighting and a wrinkled man made to look more hidious on purpose. Why did i chose that book above all others? What caught my eye? The title. I am as my brother calls me, "a privacy invader" and reading other's diary is on my top of my list(^_^). I mean, come on, who wouldnt want to read the diary of a mad man? And he was old too, so i assumed he would have definitely spilled some words of wisedom in his diary. I flipped the book and beagn to read the summary...

"Woah, woah, woah....what????" That was exactly my first reaction as i read the summary. I did have the option to put aside the sickening book but curiosity got the better of me.

...yup, this world is surely filled with weird people.

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